


Fragments of The Fallen Empire

by InFamousHero



Series: Fragments of The Knight [4]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Fluff, Force Bond, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 02:11:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6176212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InFamousHero/pseuds/InFamousHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of shorts and drabbles detailing parts of KOTFE as filtered through my interpretation of the Jedi Knight storyline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fateful Echoes

**Author's Note:**

> This first bit is a personalized version of the encounter with Satele late in chapter 2 as a JK.

“We should have seen how your destiny coiled and twisted upon itself.”

K’Surda stopped mid-step, dust disturbed by her feet sluggishly sifting through the air and slowing until it froze like everything else around her. She looked around, searching every shadow she could see beneath the wreckage of the shattered senate tower and its ruined surroundings.

Energy shoved against her back and pushed her forwards, hard enough to nearly throw her off her feet. She stumbled and hastily turned around, reaching for her blades.

The Grand Master stood before her. She paused for a handful of seconds, staring at Satele like a child caught doing something they shouldn’t, before a fire swept through her stomach. K’Surda scowled and drew her blades, though she refrained from igniting them just yet.

“You aren’t real. Nothing here is.”

“Denial is childish,” Satele said coolly. “You know better. You have always known better but insist on making the worst choices.”

It stung more than she wanted it to. She’d hoped her time with Lana would have made it easier to shrug off and recognize what was being done to her. Yet Satele could still cut at her, make her feel as if she was no better than a toddler playing with things she didn’t understand.

K’Surda shook her head, trying to hold onto the anger in her belly. “No, I haven’t. I haven’t ‘always’ known better,” she growled. “I did what I was told by you and the rest of the Order and look where it lead me.”

The naked contempt and disappointment in Satele’s eyes hacked at her knees. “You disregarded our teachings and turned your back on the Light.”

K’Surda’s hands clenched tight enough on her hilts to shake. “It turned away from me first!” she snapped, gesturing sharply at Satele. “You turned your back on me at the first sign of trouble! At the first kriffing sign that I wasn’t your perfect warrior!”

Satele just stared at her, critical, scrutinizing, and K’Surda swallowed, shifting on the spot. The silence smothered her senses and she shook her head, pacing before she could stop herself.

Even here she couldn’t get away from this and she couldn’t decide which of Satele or Vitiate were worse company right now.

Sluggish dust was gathering at knee level when Satele finally spoke again. “You should have been capable of finding your way back. It was a simple task that you refused to take seriously.”

K’Surda stopped dead. “I did what you asked me to do,” she murmured, turning to face Satele properly. “I cleaned up the Republic’s messes, faced their kriffing monsters, watched my master die, fought friends turned against their will.” She couldn’t feel her hands, as tight as they were, and K’Surda tried to loosen her grip. “You shouldn’t have sent me on that mission,” she muttered.

She turned away to start pacing anew. “But you did anyway, because ‘fate.’ And what happened when I came back after a year? When I came back with so many kriffing cracks in my head that I shouldn’t have been upright?” The anger burned hotter and she clenched her teeth, growling through them. “Was it too much trouble? Was it too scary when I came back that kriffing broken? What was the problem? You didn’t want to look at what he did to me? You didn’t want to think about the fact that you sent me there?”

The lack of response made her stall, turned away from Satele with her throat constricting. She blinked the wetness from her eyes and scowled at the frozen dust she’d kicked up. “Why didn’t you help me?” she murmured.

Again, no response.

K’Surda whipped around to find Satele staring at her with the same unmoving criticism. “Why everyone else but me?” She meant to yell but it came out soft, pleading, even desperate. It was something she could never figure out, why there was so little care when it came to her. Hadn’t she done enough to deserve some gentleness? Or did everything she did under his control make her unworthy?

Her memories of that time were crystal clear now. She could almost believe that.

Satele clasped her hands behind her back. “You were better than that. You would have pulled through on your own had you put in any effort to resist the call of the dark side. But you chose to let others seed darkness in you and embraced it.”

The anger swelled inside her and K’Surda roughly shook her head, looking away, looking anywhere but Satele. She tried to breathe deep, calm herself down some, but the frustration continued to mount. “You said you would be with me, that you would help me. I. Needed. Your. Help. How is it any surprise to you that I accepted Scourge’s ‘help’?”

Satele sighed and shook her head dismissively. “That is your failing. You disregarded the code and-”

K’Surda snarled, stepping towards her. “It was useless to me! How can I make you understand? It was useless to me. I tried to follow it and couldn’t, because I was broken. I was broken all the way through, don’t you understand that?! He shattered me! I feared every waking moment and dreaded sleeping because what if he strikes when I’m asleep and takes my mind away again!”

She paced once more, restless, desperate for something else to focus on besides her rising memories of torment and being at his mercy. “I was broken!” she snapped, gesturing angrily at her skull, tapping the side with her knuckles. “And I had to put myself back together because you refused to help me figure out where to even begin! Did I not do a good enough job? Was it a kriffing test!?”

She kicked a plume of dust into the air and snarled again. “But maybe that’s it, maybe Lana’s right about you and you just wanted a kriffing weapon. Some thing you could throw at your problems and not worry about civility or being ‘nice’ about it.” K’Surda shot a glare over her shoulder. “You sure did like throwing me at everything you couldn’t find some polite jedi to take care of,” she growled.

Satele slowly shook her head in disgust and pulled her hilt free. “Again you insist on poor judgement. Indulging in love and with a Sith no less? She is no better than Scourge, you must know this.”

Red.

K’Surda saw nothing but red and launched at Satele with a roar, battering against her defences in fury. “She was the only one who ever helped me!”

After everything she’d been through and everyone being too scared or callous to genuinely, honestly help her recover from what Vitiate did to her–she wouldn’t have it. She wouldn’t have Satele of all people compare Lana to that manipulative bastard.


	2. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set just after the escape while they’re still in the swamp, when they go to find a source of clean water.

They set up camp to make sure nothing was wrong with the water. They were tucked away in the tangles of the swamp and sheltered by shadow casting boughs. Hopefully it would be enough.

At least it gave K’Surda a chance to get the grime and sweat off her body. The battle on Marr’s ship had been a hard one and fighting through the pain as they escaped Zakuul was little better

It felt juvenile to stare. The twisted scar that stretched across K’Surda’s back drew her attention so easily and Lana couldn’t help but fixate.

It hadn’t been a thought before. Why would it be? Any holos she had of K’Surda were few and far between, obtained after the fact, and there were none of how she looked now.

She looked so happy in most of them. Her eyes used to be grey.

Lana wiped a hand down her face, focus momentarily faltering. Blast it all, her spares had been on the ship. She’d tried to find them but couldn’t. The pain had stopped, she didn’t need the stims anymore—but her body would start rebelling soon.

It was their second night at the spring. She could do this, she had gotten this far, she couldn’t let-

“Lana?”

K’Surda’s concern washed over her and she almost flinched at the warm hand pressing into her shoulder. Its weight stole the breath in her throat and put a sting her eyes. She looked up to see K’Surda standing in front of her, gentle worry making her golden eyes soft and welcoming.

She didn’t need holos now. K’Surda was here and the affection—the touch. Lana swallowed a sudden knot in her throat, fighting a losing battle she had no time to register let alone prepare for.

How many times had she longed to hear K’Surda’s voice? Feel her presence in more than just bursts of phantom pain that raked through her being? Even just a touch, a simple, warm touch…

It hit her with all the care of a rabid tuk’ata, stripping the carefully laid walls and defences she’d built over the years to keep herself from crumbling. There were no guarantees, after all, that she would ever get to see K’Surda again.

There were no guarantees this wouldn’t change for the worst tomorrow.

Lana reached out and curled her hands into K’Surda’s vest, bereft of upper body armour for the moment, and pulled her down until they were close enough to kiss.

“Please.” The word sounded foreign to her ears, her own voice too hoarse and thick with emotion.

K’Surda was still for only a moment, a blissfully short moment, and embraced her with a level of care she had so desperately missed.


	3. Thoughtless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brief snapshot of a moment immediately after Chapter 8 and the fight with Arcann.

Five years.

Five years and it was almost over in the space of a heartbeat.

K’Surda was stable but unconscious, and the rest of the crew was just trying to busy themselves or sleep off the fight.

She couldn’t bring herself to leave, not for long anyway. There were more productive things she could be doing, practical things. But as soon as she tried to do something else sluggishness and guilt gnawed at her insides until she returned.

Lana sighed and straightened in her chair, stretching out her back.

She’d been trying to step around it, rationalize to herself why she didn’t need to look at this critically, and all that came back to her was sensation that didn’t belong. It wasn’t her body that burned and cried out. They served as messages and were far too loud to ignore for long.

What must she look like? Sullen and sulking over something that should have been at the forefront of her mind.

Lana stared down at her prone form, brow knitting.

It surprised her that the memory came back as clearly as it did. Koth had wanted to cut K’Surda out of her gear to treat the injury. He didn’t know how it came off, yet she remembered.

That memory felt like a lifetime ago.

Her eyes drifted to K’Surda’s left hand. The most she wore now was a spare vest and trousers. She didn’t look as threatening out of her armour. The colour, the fangs, the fur—it was all meant to hint at something one shouldn’t test the boundaries of.

Pressing K’Surda was no wiser a course of action than cornering a wraid. Their growing crew was quickly learning when not to push and where they shouldn’t go, Tora's callousness was a particularly reckless example. But it was becoming clear to others that Lana was an exception to that rule.

It wasn’t lost on her that she had an effect on K’Surda. So much improvement came as a direct result of the right words at the right time. There had been too many things K’Surda desperately needed to hear and had gone without for an astonishingly long time.

Provided she kept a close watch and gave what encouragement and reassurance she could, it wouldn’t be difficult for K’Surda to step into the role they all needed her to.

But that was the crux of this issue, wasn’t it?

A dull, ragged cylinder of pain throbbed through her gut and Lana grit her teeth. The image of Arcann's sabre skewering K'Surda like an insect would stay with her for a while, even as she tried to push it away and focus on the present.

“I didn’t think,” she murmured aloud.

Immediately her throat tightened, strangling any further words.

She reached out and took K’Surda’s hand in her own. She’d removed her gloves some time ago.

K’Surda didn’t respond of course, but that didn’t stop Lana from bowing her head to K’Surda’s knuckles.

All she wanted was for their galaxy to be whole again and it chilled Lana to the bone to realize how little she’d really thought of K’Surda.

The Jedi Order had viewed her as little more than a tool, a blunt weapon they could wield against their problems no matter what damage it did to K’Surda.

How close had she come to acting just as thoughtlessly as them?


	4. The Little Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some point after founding the Alliance and well into their various missions, K'Surda comes across an akk puppy and one thing leads to another.

She could do without the gnawing and the slobber, but all things considered that puppy wasn’t the worst thing she’d had to tolerate. As long as K’Surda kept her hands and face clean after handling the little terror, all was well.

It got attention from most in the base. It's clumsiness, odd proportions and large, shining black eyes were endearing to some, even with the teeth.

Lana wasn’t mean to the little thing but hounds and similar creatures were simply not for her. They were often too loud and messy, requiring attention and energy she didn’t have in excess.

She sighed and dismissed a report from her datapad, setting it down so she could rub at her eyes. More trouble. They were making progress certainly, but there was always more trouble.

Something nudged her foot.

Lana frowned and peered under her desk, where a pair of shining black eyes peered right back.

The akk puppy’s blue and red body was still small enough to sneak under things.

It stared at her, sat next to her foot, wriggling on the spot like patience was a barely kept virtue and tongue lolling.

Five seconds of silence passed between before Lana sighed again and turned, searching one of the drawers in her desk.  She opened the lid on a cylinder and pulled out a treat, closing all containers once she had it. It wasn’t something she’d necessarily told K’Surda about. She didn’t want to give the impression she _liked_  the little monster, but it was… tolerable, at times. It made K’Surda happy and there were few things left to do that.

The puppy’s wriggling intensified but it managed to behave and not leap at her hand. K’Surda’s training must have finally been getting through.

“I suppose you aren’t so terrible,” Lana murmured, dropping the treat.

It disappeared quickly and the puppy contentedly rolled onto its back, craning its head to continue staring at her.

Lana shook her head and leaned down, lightly scratching its belly using the metal tips of her glove, to which it began wriggling excitedly again.

It was _nearly_  endearing.

“You know,” she said quietly. “When you get bigger, you’d better watch her when I can’t.”

“You, HK-51, now Skashka?” K’Surda spoke from the doorway. Lana straightened sharply, looking at the smirk on her lips as she leaned there, arms crossed. “I think I’ll be safe.”

The little monster yipped and scrambled to its feet, scampering over to K’Surda.

Lana narrowed her eyes. “How long have you been standing there?” She asked only because K’Surda’s presence was now clear as day to her, as sudden as when she started talking. Was she deliberately masking herself until now?

That smirk split into a grin and K’Surda shrugged. “Not long, I was wondering where Skashka scurried off to.”

A likely story. Lana sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Well, your little beast got lost.”

K’Surda’s grin widened. “Did he? He seems to know to come here.” She pushed away from the door and walked in.

It was becoming more common a sight to see her in more relaxed clothing, she didn’t seem so severe without the black and adornments of bone. But this was what Lana was used to seeing, everyone else saw The Commander or ‘Wraid’ and that was that. This insufferable, gentle, wayward goof was _her_ K’Surda and she didn’t want to change a thing, not really.

Getting up from her chair, Lana moved around to the front of her desk and leaned back against it, crossing her arms. “I don’t claim to understand what goes on in that creature’s mind. Perhaps he wanted more boots to chew on.”

A sheepish look crossed K’Surda’s face. “At least he only did it once…?”

Lana hummed in agreement, smiling despite herself. “You’re training him well.”

Immediately K’Surda brightened up, an unrestrained smile curling her lips. “I was hoping it showed.”


	5. Rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This particular moment takes place just after a stressful mission of some sort and they’ve returned to K’Surda’s ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for this nor do I feel like making one.

Maybe it should have surprised her that it took so little to ignite them, but the years, the stress, constantly wondering if _this_  time would be the last–Lana didn’t give it much thought beyond that. There were too many other things that deserved attention.

The way K’Surda looked at her sent thrills through her body so easily, the sensation was so familiar and _missed_  that she curled her fingers tighter into the fur of K’Surda’s collar and pulled her closer. Their kiss was hard and hungry, heartbeats hammering against their ribs.

She managed to get K’Surda’s gauntlets off before they stumbled away from the stairs and Lana started as her heels knocked against the _next_ set of stairs–why was this blasted ship such a trip hazard? Before she could fall, however, K’Surda caught her and brought them down with much more control. It was the only calm action K’Surda took, she felt like a fire that didn’t burn, full to overflowing with affection and lust. Such feelings flowed freely and Lana embraced them, returned them, emotions intertwining through their bond like smelting metal.

Her belt came loose and K’Surda’s fingers snared against her tunic, pushing it up until the air kissed her stomach. There wasn’t much time to register the sudden absence of warm lips against her throat as K’Surda moved down. Lana tried to steady her breathing, heat coiling deeper with the trail of kisses and grazing teeth K’Surda left across her skin.

Urgently, she pressed her hands against K’Surda’s shoulders, arching into the hands that slipped around her waist and across her back, fingertips dipping against her spine. Lana groaned and rolled her hips, earning a deep, sultry chuckle that did nothing but inflame her further.

Mercifully, K’Surda was as eager to please as always and her hands slid to Lana’s hips, loosening her trousers enough to start pulling them down, underwear along with them.

The cooler air against her thighs made her shiver and Lana frowned momentarily as K’Surda stopped pulling once the trousers reached her knees. Her confusion vanished when K’Surda ducked between her thighs and made it seem all too important that she lock her heels behind K’Surda’s head.

Lana couldn’t help but moan and tried not to twist and tremble, her mind slipping into a pleasurable haze that weaved into K’Surda just as easily. She grappled for purchase, something solid to ground her in the absence of K’Surda’s shoulders, and found the lip of the stairs under her was good enough to grip tight.

K’Surda’s hands moved over her hips and down her thighs, kneading as her tongue made Lana’s head swim and coaxing the heat in her core to spiral further and further out of control. Lana shuddered and arched, pressing her heels against her lover’s shoulders.

That warm, _delightful_  tongue lashed just right and Lana gasped at a sudden spike of pleasure, her hips jerking. Amusement tickled through her senses, warm and fond, and K’Surda repeated her motions, provoking more sounds that Lana couldn’t keep in even if she wanted to.

Shivers ran the length of her thighs and back again, bundling in the pit of her belly, and Lana squirmed, prompting K’Surda to tighten her grip. Her nails grazed Lana’s hips and she tried to swallow the needy whimper that slipped out of her throat, feeling like a tightly wound spring about to crack.

The pressure finally became too much as K’Surda closed her lips around Lana’s clit, pressing hard with her tongue.

Lana unravelled with a throaty moan, her body going taut in K’Surda’s grasp as pleasure cascaded through her in swift, delectable pulses. Once they faded she went lax and K’Surda smirked, kissing and gently biting the insides of her thighs.

She took a shaking breath and sat up, shooting K’Surda a look that made her chuckle. She untangled herself, hands stroking Lana’s thighs in a manner that could at best be described as greedy. Not that Lana minded, K’Surda’s eyes still burned with a look that made the muscles of her core flutter despite their recent unwinding.

Lana huffed and reached out, grabbing K’Surda and pulling her in for a hard kiss. K’Surda smiled against her and moved to work off her boots, finally ridding her  lower body of clothing entirely. She growled and pushed hard against K’Surda, using her lower position on the short stairs against her. K’Surda put her arms out and caught them, lying flat on her back and putting up no resistance as Lana straddled her. She did, however, offer a _very_ welcoming grin.

Removing her gloves, Lana quickly took off the rest of her clothes and smiled as she watched K’Surda’s eyes sweep over her body, drinking her in.

She pressed a hand against K’Surda’s guarded stomach and slowly drew it up, over her chest plate and to her neck, where she leaned down and met K’Surda in a hungrier kiss than before. She would enjoy watching this wayward knight of hers come undone once again.


	6. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Think of this as happening just after the last one, chronologically speaking.

It wasn’t that she didn’t notice the first time. She did, _of course_ she did. K’Surda couldn’t smother the dissonant jolt that went through her but the moment Lana’s expression faltered by even a sliver she brought them together. She kissed Lana gently, holding her like she was the most precious thing in the galaxy, love and want drowning out the confusion.

Of course she noticed. She just didn’t let herself think about it until now.

She’d woken up at least a couple of hours too early but laid awake, watching Lana sleep beside her.

Soft, orange light illuminated Lana’s curled form, sheets tangled around her legs, hair tousled on the pillow. She was turned away as they had gone to sleep cuddled together, but K’Surda woke most of the way out of the sheets. She must have gotten warm but thankfully hadn’t disturbed Lana when she moved away.

Her eyes trailed across Lana’s back, lingering on the scars that were still new to her.

Some things she just never cared to remember, they weren’t important enough, but she committed every detail of Lana to memory. Every moment spent with Lana was a moment her life moved froward, away from the chains of her past.

Now K’Surda had missed five years worth of details and it showed in Lana’s body. It wasn’t that she was soft before, she was entirely capable of engaging in a physical fight, but that wasn’t where her inclinations led her. Her interests were mainly scholarly, in gathering information and acting from a distance, and should someone engage her in a fight they would find themselves swiftly overwhelmed by her mastery of the force.

But now any softness that _had_ been there was reduced. She was stronger, more muscular, and the minor scars and marks were overshadowed by noticeable ones.

They didn’t bother K’Surda in and of themselves, she was enough of a mess as it was in that regard, particularly with Vitiate’s twisted effect on her healing. But it was what the scars represented and the way a quiet voice at the back her mind told her: _You could have been there._

She could have been there for the close calls and the hard fights, and maybe make a difference, _maybe_ keep Lana from being hurt.

How many times did the dying pangs Lana felt from K’Surda interfere at the wrong moment and get her injured?

K’Surda swallowed hard and took a deep breath, trying to veer away from that particular barb. It wasn’t useful and Lana wouldn’t want her to dwell on it,  she wouldn’t blame K’Surda nor would she want K’Surda to blame herself.

Knowing that didn’t make it any easier _not_  to.

Before any other painful thoughts could work into her, K’Surda gently shifted closer and slipped an arm around Lana. She bowed her head and pressed a light kiss to Lana’s shoulder.

The galaxy itself would have to work against her before she left Lana on her own like that ever again.


	7. Likeness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are certain things that keep K’Surda up at night and most of it has something to with Vitiate. This time, it’s his children.

There were some lines of thought best left alone. They just caught in the flesh like a barb and tore everything up, making it all messier than it needed to be.

But her mind refused to leave Senya’s words alone, for whatever reason, and forced her to focus on them.

She knew what sort of creature Vitiate was. What he _really_  was. There were few people alive that understood the same way she did. For all she knew, there actually weren’t any. Most of them had been jedi, most of them probably died in the five years she was gone.

Maybe there really _wasn’t_ anyone left who understood, no one who had him rattle about their skull for any length of time.

But knowing what she did…

K’Surda curled her fingers into the sheets and turned on her side, scowling. She hadn’t wanted to kill Revan, she’d hoped it wouldn’t come down to a fight and he could be talked down. She understood, after all, exactly what he went through. Everything he did made perfect sense in that respect.

But she and Revan were adults. They could be broken, twisted, altered, but deep down there was a baseline. Something that was intrinsically  _them_  and nothing to do with _him_ no matter how hard he tried to remove it.

Children didn’t have that. They were shaped by the adults who raised them.

_He was their father._

She wanted to fight them, stop them, and part of her wanted to kill them. A large part of her. But something tugged at her insides, an ill, anxious thing that made her swallow hard for fear of bile.

Were they so different from Revan? Were they so different from  _her_?

Her thoughts kept drifting to the girl, to _Vaylin_ , the one who seemed to have felt Vitiate’s power and paranoid callousness the most.

When Vitiate controlled her, he kept her smothered in her own mind, as if she were perpetually sinking in the deepest ocean. Everything he made her do funnelled through her senses like lightning, she was helpless, _drowning_ , unable to take control and so painfully aware of everything except her own body.

To say that experience ‘broke’ her was putting it too simply, she tried finding the words and no matter how many times she described it it always felt painfully inadequate.

She was changed, irrevocably, but she had that baseline, she could draw on the person who came before and rebuild herself.

What was there to draw on for a toddler locked in their own mind?

Reassurance and affection warmed her before she heard Lana murmur something unclear. Lana’s smaller figure curled against her back and hugged at her waist, a sleepy kiss laid to her shoulder.

The knots loosened in her belly and K’Surda sighed, lowering her hand to Lana’s and threading their fingers together.

She could  _try_ to get some sleep again…


	8. Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little drabble thanks to the prompt "sharing a bath/swim"

K’Surda’s apartment could still serve as a safe place when needed and after such an exhaustive mission, it was  _definitely_  needed. The isolation and dark, blanketing atmosphere of Nar Shaddaa felt like a shroud one could disappear into it.

Armour came off in pieces as they moved, slowly dropping to the floor bit by bit, following tired steps to a warm bath. They managed to get clean but they were so tired and sore already, and the heat of the water wasn’t exactly making a good argument to  _move_.

Lana blinked slowly and tried to recall how long she’d been resting against K’Surda. The water was still warm but steam no longer coiled up from its surface—long enough it would seem.

“K’Surda?” She slipped her hand along one of K’Surda legs to the knee, turning her head.

K’Surda was silent, her presence utterly passive and calm. Lana winced and gently shook K’Surda’s leg, asking after her again. That was enough to rouse her at least and she mumbled something that sounded like a question.

Lana smiled tiredly and dipped her hand into the water, finding one of K’Surda’s to hold. “We should get dry and find a real bed,” she murmured, tugging K’Surda with her as she began to get up.

K’Surda mumbled again and nodded, just following directions. Honestly, Lana suspected she hadn’t really woken up at all and was asleep on her feet, but as long as she could get K’Surda to bed it wouldn’t matter. She really didn’t feel up to shouldering K’Surda’s tall frame in her current state.

She did, however, take some pleasure in getting them dry. K’Surda was easy to move and responded to her warm, careful touches with mumbled affection. Lana simply made sure K’Surda didn’t lean or slump, she’d just fall asleep if her head found something supportive. It was why Lana tried not to hold K’Surda’s head or jaw for more than a handful of seconds at a time.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long to dry off and they finally got to bed, climbing under the sheets without so much as a nightie. Lana quickly found herself snuggled like a cuddly toy as K’Surda’s strong arms curled around her waist but she smiled and settled into it easily. She could relax and let herself acknowledge just how tired she was, nestled against this sleepy, wayward knight of hers.

_Knight._

Lana pushed the title from her mind, so used to thinking of K’Surda like that. She held K’Surda’s arms to her waist, reassuring, gentle and _proud._

She smiled to herself, sleep quickly rising to swaddle her mind as it already had K’Surda’s, and softly murmured her own words of affection until they trailed into nothing.


	9. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things can be easy to see and fight directly, but it’s the subtler, indirect things that tend to worry Lana most…

The unease woke her before the movement did.

They had drifted apart in their sleep and Lana opened her eyes, easily spotting K’Surda’s form in the dark. She had one of the pillows held hostage to her chest and her face was partially buried in it, brow knitted in a deep frown.

Lana propped herself up and reached out, brushing her hand over K’Surda’s brow and through her hair. Swaddling the distress was a familiar exercise and demanded less concentration the more she did it.

The nightmares weren’t easy to track or pin down as of late. She thought they were getting better, but they kept resurfacing as the stress mounted and most of the time they didn’t even have anything to do with their work here. Much of the time it was just K’Surda’s mind pitting her against Vitiate again.

“ _He’s still out there. He’ll come back for me_.”

“ _Then we’d best make sure you’re ready for him._ ”

It was the only thing she could say. What else was there? Vitiate seemed to have grown particularly fond of K’Surda, in his destructive, parasitic way. He truly was a creature of ego and contradiction, his parting words showed that more than anything else. He had never been K’Surda’s enemy? He was the very reason she even had these nightmares.

His return was inevitable. Perhaps that, more than anything, was what ate at K’Surda so much. It wasn’t their mission or the statistics or balancing everyone’s doubts and loyalties. It was _him_ , as it always had been since the  Order sent her on that ill-fated strike.

Fear could kill a person just as surely as any weapon.

K’Surda should have died already were it not  for _his_  intervention. She knew that knowledge alone gnawed at K’Surda’s dignity.

Lana frowned and carefully moved closer, gently threading her hand into K’Surda’s hair.

Further lessons were in order. She needed to find time for them to work out some way of keeping K’Surda’s fear in check. If they didn’t…

Lana bowed her head to K’Surda’s, closing her eyes. 

They _would._  She would make sure of it.


	10. Phantom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s enough to worry about while assaulting a ship full of murderous droids, but force bonds complicate matters slightly when they give you a live tally of your lover's injuries....

The first aches were minor, some bruising, a trooper’s rifle swung against her arm in close combat or blaster fire impacting on her armour. K’Surda easily shrugged things off and moved on, working through the ship like a blade through jelly. Lana had no doubt in her abilities.

That golden droid brought foundation for concerns to build. One sudden thwack and it sent K’Surda flying, cracking a pair of ribs and winding her in the process. Senya kept it from following up on its attack for a precious few seconds, long enough to let K’Surda recover and rise.

They reduced it to scrap after that, but the cracks were like gaps in the armour after that, as the situation worsened and more was thrown at them.

The cracks worsened and bit at her side as much as it did K’Surda’s, gnawing at her like they were her own. Lana tuned it out enough that she could differentiate, focus on what was in front of her and what her own body was going through. Far less than K’Surda’s, thankfully.

The fight with the Captain was a different matter. More bruising, more impact, kinetic energy rippling through K’Surda and putting strain on those damaged ribs until they finally broke. For a second or two she faltered and Senya was there again, blocking the Captain’s path of attack.

It was enough to let K’Surda bolster herself with the pain and demolish the Captain, pressing through her mounting injuries with a burning ire.

Pricking, cutting, shards displaced scraped against K’Surda’s insides and Lana curbed her worry, willing focus on herself. They weren’t out of the mess, they didn’t have time to slow down.

Guilt was expected, the muffled sorrow was not. Perhaps it should have been, K’Surda’s feelings about the Republic and the Order especially were clear as day to her. But the lack of piercing regret or sadness was a mark of change. K’Surda no longer felt responsible for the Republic and her immediate withdrawal of the Imperial forces spoke loudly indeed.

Worsening, deeper pain, cutting—was she bleeding? They ran for the ship in a flurry of fire and ragged, flying metal. K’Surda was bleeding.

Lana grabbed her as she jumped, pulled her up by the arm on her good side. There was no time, they moved back, held on as explosions rocked them and shunted sharp bone against flesh. K’Surda grunted and grimaced, but moved as soon as they were clear. She favoured her right but kept her posture as confident as she could. A small look, a knowing glance—it wasn’t bad enough.

Lana stayed silent, gentle but firm admonishment passing between them. K’Surda was soft, amused, ever compassionate towards her concern even while pained and aggravated. When there was a moment to breathe, she would see to K’Surda’s injuries.

If other’s persisted in interrupting, she would  _make_ a moment.


	11. Weaknesses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment after their escape from Zakuul, when K’Surda made a choice even she never believed she would end up making…

“We did it!”

Koth’s elation barely registered through her worry and Lana frowned, turning away from the bridge. Confusion was clear in his voice as he spoke again, “Lana?”

“Check the ship, I need to take care of something…”

“Oh, okay.”

It wasn’t even numbness, necessarily, it was shock. A stunned horror one could only achieve doing something that went utterly against their nature.

When allowed to flourish, their bond proved an alarmingly strong one. After five years of ghosts and whispers and _fragments_  of feeling, to have it flow so quickly again was almost overwhelming. But this particular facet of K’Surda she was intimately familiar with. Her wayward Knight’s fears were distinct, like icy, dense stones in the belly, chiselled with the names of her terrors. Were Lana to find someone else with the same fears, it would only remind her of K’Surda. Granted, anyone else who had gone through the same things was very likely dead by now…

She hoped the Carsen girl wasn’t, but she hadn’t been able to find anything on that front as of yet.

Lana finally came to the control room for the Gravestone’s main cannon and stepped in with a deep breath. She found K’Surda sitting in the corner off to the right, just staring into space. She had the same glassy eyed look as before, when they were still in the swamp. K’Surda wouldn’t look at her then, eyes too wide, out of focus, and spoke far too curtly. She all but growled at the others.

Putting to words her shock and confusion when K’Surda channelled his power was beyond Lana. Knowing how K’Surda felt about him–it just struck her as impossible. It _couldn’t_  be what happened and yet it was fact.

With her stomach slowly churning, Lana knelt and lifted her hand to K’Surda’s chin. There was no resistance and K’Surda turned her head, staring right through Lana for a few seconds before she blinked and fixated. Lana frowned worriedly and she refused to hold back her concern, letting it be felt clear as day. “What happened down there?” She spoke quietly but firmly.

“You were going to die,” K’Surda murmured, eyes growing wet. “I could save you if I… agreed.”

Fear lanced through her heart and Lana restrained herself from gripping K’Surda desperately and yelling about what a foolish thing it was to do. _No one life_ was worth the corruption that would come of indulging Vitiate. Yet K’Surda knew that. She knew that more than anyone, more than Lana, more than the Order, more than even the Dark Council. She knew better than anyone living what kind of monster Vitiate was, already suffering his presence in her mind for a year. That K’Surda _still_  allowed him even a second’s control…

The sheer magnitude of the decision made Lana’s stomach drop and she lifted her hands to K’Surda’s cheeks, terrified, furious and trying to find the right words to express her worry. She could not matter that much, she couldn’t possibly matter so much as to make K’Surda comply with Vitiate, it was… it was too much.

She might be a source of strength for K’Surda, of stability and reassurance, but this made it blisteringly clear she was also K’Surda’s greatest weakness.

Lana bit her lip and all but fell on K’Surda, tightly hugging her. Stars, what had she done bringing K’Surda back? How had she forgotten? Was she so desperate to fix the galaxy that K’Surda’s state of mind slipped her thoughts?

K’Surda’s arms wrapped around her in a hard embrace. “Don’t ever sacrifice yourself for me,” K’Surda pleaded quietly. “You give up even a tiny bit of focus in a fight like that, you die. I won’t allow that, I _can’t_. I’m not as strong as you think I am.”

Her eyes stung and Lana closed them, burying her head in the fur of K’Surda’s collar. She wanted to shoot the words back, tell K’Surda that the pain of losing her already, of _not knowing_  what happened to her…

But even if K’Surda were to fall, she still had ideals and people she was sworn to. What did K’Surda have left in this hostile new galaxy if _she_ fell? What would K’Surda _do_  after the fact? Lana had a few ideas and none of them were remotely good.

Taking a deep breath, Lana tried to speak in a steady voice, “neither of us can stand to lose each other, is that it?” She managed a vaguely amused huff of breath as K’Surda nodded, smiling sadly. “All right,” she murmured, “I won’t preemptively compromise myself and you won’t tolerate him again, sounds fair to me.” Her voice wavered at the end, still trying to process the implications of K’Surda’s ‘tolerance’ of him.

K’Surda just nodded again and propped her brow against Lana’s shoulder.


	12. Heritage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During their initial assault on the Star Fortress threatening Tatooine, Lana and K’Surda fight through a research section of the station and find the subjects of Zakuulan scientists…

Throwing her hand out sent the researcher flying, blaster clattering to the ground as they impacted the wall behind them with a dense crunch. The last skytrooper’s chassis scattered in cleaved chunks at her feet and Lana glanced at K’Surda as a spike of shock passed between them. The imposing helmet she wore kept Lana from seeing her face, but K’Surda was obviously looking at something across the room and jogged over to it. The far wall was a two part observation window into a rectangular cell, not unlike the chambers local wildlife was kept in. It’s inhabitants however, were no animals.

Three ghorfa individuals were inside, surrounded by haphazard scraps of their natural environment. Their posture was agitated and one  of them paced restlessly, grunting  and growling when the others tried to communicate with them.

Lana opened her mouth to speak but K’Surda opened up a channel to the chamber, disabling the voice modulation on her helmet. What came out of her was, for a few confusing seconds, nothing more than guttural _noises._  But there was inflection, a deliberate pitch, tone–she was speaking a _language_. Lana shook her head to free the cobwebs clearly taking residence in her thoughts. Of course K’Surda would know how to speak with them, she was raised in a uniquely mixed community on Tatooine. At least one of her mothers was actually raised as a ghorfa.

The captives perked up instantly upon hearing someone speak their language. The restless one bristled and moved towards the only speaker in the chamber, snarling at it.

K’Surda responded, anger and indignation roiling off of her like heat. They went back and forth a few times and Lana frowned, glancing around for any signs of approaching combatants. They couldn’t stand here for long.

“I’m letting them out,” K’Surda growled, igniting one of her sabres. Lana held her tongue on her concerns and moved away. There were display cabinets around for ghorfa artefacts and some of them held weapons, mostly the deadly gaffi sticks they preferred to wield. She grabbed three and picked up rifles from the destroyed troopers. By the time she came back K’Surda had cleaved a hole in one of the windows and helped the captives out.

The agitated one grunted and bowed to K’Surda, growling out a string of syllables Lana couldn’t quite separate into words. K’Surda’s usage of it was much clearer but so infrequent that Lana still found it too unfamiliar to pick apart. Still, it wasn’t difficult to understand the tone of the conversation thanks to their bond.

K’Surda continued to buzz with anger as she spoke. “A group of metal men and golden warriors rounded up their tribe for study. A lot of them were killed when they fought back. There used to be five of them in there.” she looked at Lana, then the weapons. “If there are any more, we’re getting them out.”

“How large was their tribe?” Lana asked as she handed the weapons out. The ghorfa nodded, grunting at her in a way that could be interpreted as thanks.

K’Surda’s voice was still hard with anger but grew sombre. “Not big, they were one of the more migratory groups, so maybe about twenty. From the sounds of things, they lost more than half.”

Lana nodded and grabbed her sabre, moving towards another room in the section, where more ‘wildlife’ chambers likely resided. “Then we’d best move quickly if we want to get out of here in one piece.”


	13. Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arcann escaped and Lana has her suspicions as to why, but she needs to make sure what’s going on…

“What happened back there?”

K’Surda stopped in the middle of their room, chewing her lip. She could feel Lana staring, how concern and confusion warred inside her, trying to understand before she reacted. Lana knew, of course, how much Vitiate and his children _bothered_  her. But this time it wasn’t just a dream or some night time anxiety stealing sleep from her.

_“Did you dream of drowning as a child…?”_

That stopped him dead, eye widening in a naked look of shock. They stood guarded, weathered from the fight and refusing to back down. But for just a moment, Arcann wasn’t so resolute, and K’Surda couldn’t help the sad, knowing look on her face.  _“It’s his presence, he swallows you up like a void, he doesn’t even have to try.”_

_“You know nothing about my father.”  
_

_“I know what he is. I know he’s a liar, a manipulator, not like you or me or anyone living right now. He’s been alive so long he just sees us as pieces in a game, not a son, not an enemy or an ally, just toys, amusements.”_

Arcann bristled and pointed his sabre at her, snarling,  _“don’t pretend to understand! You’re his puppet!”_

She smiled bitterly.  _“That isn’t news. I’ve been trying to cut those strings, but it’s hard, isn’t it? He just has to be mentioned or remembered, and all that rage comes seething back. You didn’t learn how to stop feeling fear. You learned how to bury it or turn it into anger.”_

Silence, Arcann just stared at her, expression strained and fixed in a look of distrust and fury. He didn’t _want_ to listen or believe her, but he was hearing her and what she said was enough to stall him. Part of him had to doubt, had to entertain the idea that she _did_  understand what kind of creature he and his siblings had for a father.

Against her training, K’Surda lowered her sabres part-way.  _“I don’t want this power, this mark, whatever ‘gift’ he wants to force on me_ _. I want him gone, forever, so he can never do to anyone else what he’s already done to us.”_

For the longest moment, Arcann continued to stare at her, the battle outside raging on, and neither of them seemed to breathe. He had to believe her, there _had_  to be something of Senya in him, in all of them. Surely…

Arcann finally growled, and K’Surda’s heart dropped.  _“Once I’m finished with you, I will deal with my_ father _.”_

“I don’t…” K’Surda shook her head, trying to  ignore the aches and pains permeating her body. Lana moved closer and the door hissed shut behind her. K’Surda slipped her hands into her hair, to the back of her neck, and linked them together with her head bowed. She crewed her eyes shut and tried to keep her mind in one place, one time, not the fight that still left ripples in her being.

She had felt so close, so damn _close_  to reaching him, to _stopping_ this. But he attacked, and all her hope turned to rage and frustration. She almost killed him, _how_  he survived she didn’t know. She felt her sabre slice into him and after he was pinned she thought him done for.

K’Surda shook her head again. The strength bled from her and she fell to her knees. “I tried…” she whispered. “I tried to reach him and I failed. I cut him down, I thought I killed him. She must have pulled him from the wreckage just in time.”

Lana finally stepped in front of her and knelt, frowning deeply, but K’Surda couldn’t meet her eyes and stared off to the side. “I was angry the first time. I couldn’t kill her just to finish the job, they’re both…” K’Surda cut herself off, swallowing her words. But Lana already knew what she was about to say. “You can’t think about it like that,” Lana said firmly, holding her by the shoulders. “Not everyone effected by him is you. You didn’t threaten the galaxy, all you’ve _ever_ done is try to save it.”

K’Surda wanted to argue but the desire withered as soon as it came up, so she simply bowed her head to Lana’s shoulder and was thankful when she wasn’t pushed away in exasperation. Part of her wondered, sometimes, if Lana ever grew to hate these moments of hers. The thought was just as quickly felt and smothered by an overwhelming protectiveness from Lana herself.

It was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing as this was based off what went down in the last chapter and I'm not sure when I'll do more stuff, I'm going to consider this "done" instead of perpetually open. If I think of more I'll add it, but otherwise.


End file.
